Not long ago I received a flier in the mail advertising a conference for women.

"Now, more than ever," the flier said, "you have unlimited potential when it comes to what you can achieve." I hoped they would explain why now, more than ever, so I read on:

"All it takes is the right attitude, the right plan, the right opportunities, and the right tools." Is that it? Why, they make it sound so easy!

There were a number of interesting workshops being offered. One was entitled "Feng Shui: Hidden messages in one's work environment."

I can see it now. Jane, who has just taken this course, walks into Carol's office. She notes that the picture of Carol's husband is at a slight angle to the tape dispenser. This gives Jane powerful insight into Carol's personal matters...

Jane: I'm sorry about your marriage problems, Carol. Carol: Wha--how did you— Jane: It seems to me (here she glances toward the window and notes a tropical plant with several yellowing leaves) that you and your husband need to talk about your financial disagreements and put the matter of the toaster oven behind you. Carol: Hey! Who told— Jane: And for the love of Mike, lose the natural oak CD holder. I'd go with one of those metal ones, if you get my drift. Carol: No, I don't get your— Jane: See you at the meeting this afternoon.

Carol might be interested in taking another of the workshops being offered: "How to keep difficult people from ruining your day."

This one also looked interesting: "Tips and techniques for navigating delicate interactions like a pro. How to address even the most awkward topics—like body odor, bad breath, poor table manners, and inappropriate dress—in a way that leaves everyone's dignity intact."

At the meeting later that afternoon...

George: Okay, I think that about wraps it up, unless anyone has anything else to add. Jane: Ahem. George: Jane? Did you want to say something? Jane: That was a great report, George; thanks for sharing it. Also, I find that the Island Mist foaming hand wash conveniently placed by the breakroom sink is very effective for cleaning hands as well as providing a fresh pleasant scent. George: (stares at Jane a moment) Uh, yeah. Okay, thanks, Jane. Jane: One enjoys being around someone who has just used Island Mist foaming hand wash. George: Right. I'm sure it's a nice experience— Jane: And one doesn't always enjoy being around those with a, shall we say, distinctly un-Island Mistlike aroma. George: I think I'll go wash my hands. Jane: It takes a strong vice-president of marketing to say that, George. George: Thanks, Jane. By the way, you're fired.

At least George's dignity was left intact.