I love women.

Wait a minute. Let's get this started on the good foot so as not to knock my wife off her axis. Love you baby. What I mean is that I love what women bring into this world. Smiles, love, laughter. Creativity. Sweet kisses and soft hands. But more literally, they bring us children. Children are what keeps us moving onward and upward in our society. Not only that, but they are a constant (beautiful) reminder of the pain that every woman, barren or fertile, must endure on a regular basis.

I'm not only talking about childbirth, but the oppressive ailment that affects womankind during the years of safe babymaking when she isn't carrying a little person inside. After that, minor afflictions such as hormone imbalances and hot flashes take over. Those years, I hear, are somewhat more golden.

Men do not understand what it means to suffer in this way. Aside from any illness, we do not have a built in disorder that provokes us to lash out, mainly at the opposite sex, in an attempt to balance the proverbial imbalance caused by this demon that rears its head faithfully on a daily basis. Well, maybe not daily for you women, but for us men it is an accepted truth that we will face at least one situation with the female species who is suffering from this incurable disease.

I love women. Let me explain.

Women are a sweet, fragile, thoughtful and highly emotional work of art who should be cherished and loved and treated with the utmost respect and generosity and looked upon as a most beautiful flower. We men have a hard time grasping this concept sometimes. Many times. Ok, all the time. We seem to never get it right. We sincerely try to be soft gentle guy but we all have experienced this very intimate exchange. For example, the man will say to his honey, "I want to take you out for dinner tonight. Where would you like to go?"

"WHAT did you DO??!" she replies, as if his invitation was meant to be a distraction from an earlier wrongdoing on his part. After taking a couple of steps backward from the sheer force of her words, he regains his fortitude and recovers nicely, if not just a little shaken, for the next round.

As he begins to sweat from the fear she has put in him through the glare in her eyes, he replies, "I don't..know. I was thinking you, about you, and I, I thought I would give you a break from tonight, cooking? What are you in the mood for?"

She looks at her husband disdainfully for what seems to be an hour - then begins to cry. "Are you saying I'm moody? I am NOT! I am perfectly fine and would appreciate it if you would stop saying all these mean things to me!"

Men, we all know at this point there is no defense to defend us in this battle as we lie defenseless. We have seriously offended our offender in a very offensive manner as if there were no greater offense. Somehow, this beast has managed to turn the glorious, glowing woman figure into a menacing intimidator and made us to be the weak, lame, beaten...man(?) creature. All this in less than 30 seconds.

Women may say men don't have any legitimate source of natural pain in their lives to lay claim to. But I speak for all men when I say: isn't this suffering enough? Is there no sadder picture than that of a man who is feeble and exposed, covered in the poisonous muck of the woman's emotional regurgitation, devoid of any strength to attempt even the most humble sort of comeback, if only to restore his fading sense of manhood? We've all been there, man. And we will inevitably be there on countless future occasions. Furthermore, we shall not overcome.

Respect to all the brave men in the world who consistently come up against this beast and keep coming back for more. After all, what else are you going to do? Go forth and suffer greatly as all men should.

©2003 warmCHiL™ WORLDWiDE / Five Inch Fro Entertainment